Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

God grant me the serenity to accept the thing that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.......Anxiety is the opposite of grace.....I think that if I had to pick 2 prayers or phrases that I most often turn to in times of stress, confusion, frustration, embarrassment, disappointment, lack of understanding, regret [which I guess despite my fervent claims that I do not regret things, if I am truly honest with myself, there are things that I regret. I just am grateful for the lessons learnt because of the choices made, which is an entirely different thing.....back on task!] it would be those two things. My grandmother had a stained glass triptych-like thing that was in her bathroom that had the first prayer on it. You see, her husband was an alcoholic and from what she told us that was one of the prayers that her in the support program. It was perfect because the first panel was this beautiful image of a dove kissing the golden letters of "God" that are surrounded by warm blue glass, making a rich juxtaposition of light, dark, warmth, cool and all very simple. The next panel has, you guessed it, the word "courage" made from red glass fortified with a structure [that never made sense to me] but the overall feeling was that of true ability to accomplish that which needed to be done. And the final panel was written in script, clear glass with blue? Maybe it had once been black but being in the sun turned it blue, but it was lightly written while also being very purposeful and beautiful: Wisdom to know the difference.

Today "help us to set our affections on things above, not on the passing vanities of this world" really stuck out to me. Vainly, [har har, get it?] I have never really thought that I had difficulty focusing my eyes on God, but in truth my affections are not always properly positioned. I wish I could take that triptych with me wherever I went. I honestly don't know where it went---my grandmother's house burned down two December's ago and I believe that it was there [where else would it have been?]. But even without it, that image, those words, they make me stop in my tracks. Close my eyes. Refocus my thoughts on where they should be: things above.

Walk humbly

So, I don't know if any of you have heard the song "Courageous" by Casting Crowns.  If you haven't, you should listen to it.  I had heard it a few times on the radio.  When I was getting ready for some driving last weekend I decided to buy the song on itunes with some leftover gift card money I had from Christmas.  Well, as I listened to the song a few times, I realized that it was calling men to be courageous in our society.  Regardless of who the song was aimed for, I found inspiration in it as well.  The ending of the song loops these words: "Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God."
"You have been told, O mortal, what is good,
and what the Lord requires of you:
Only to do justice and to love goodness
and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

Today I am going to meditate specifically over the meaning of "walk humbly with your God."

Zumba: Good for the Soul

Lent for me has been very interesting. I began it with the best intentions, trying to really deepen my relationship with God and be transformed by Easter. Now, halfway through, I couldn't feel further from that goal. I have actually been feeling rather discouraged. I've even taken up a terrible habit as of late: one of comparison. For the first time in my life, I have been comparing all aspects of my life to others...not a good idea. I walk around thinking I am not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, holy enough, kind enough...etc. Particularly, I have been feeling so frustrated with my Lenten progress, thinking I have been failing and merely wasting away this time of Lent. The whole thing is ridiculous, I admit; it's like gossiping, but in reverse, because the person I am talking poorly about is myself. And despite my prayers, the comparisons and feelings of inadequacy continue. 


Fast forward to this afternoon, when I and my roommate are the ONLY ONES in Zumba class. I love Zumba, despite the fact that I am not a dancer, at all (fact!). So, there I was, with just my roommate and the instructor- who is obviously very talented and fluid in her movements. It was as if God was putting all my discouragement and feelings of inadequacy right in front of me, in a rather silly way that made me confront them. And it was beautiful. Nothing drastic happened, but right there, in Zumba class, I began to think about just how ridiculous I was being. God loves me, for me. Despite how inadequate I feel. And although I can't "feel" God transforming me this Lent, He is. He is right by my side, always, despite these continual "tempting thoughts" to tear myself down. And I even began to see my "frustrations" with my Lenten progress as a blessing--it's Jesus' unique way of allowing me to share in His suffering. So, although I am sure I will still be tempted to compare myself to others (and find myself falling short), God taught me something very important today, and I am excited to continue my Lenten journey with Him, recognizing my faults but being most aware of His enduring love. Zumba is good for the soul! :) 

But now, thus says the LORD,

who created you, Jacob, and formed you, Israel:

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name: you are mine.

When you pass through waters, I will be with you;

through rivers, you shall not be swept away.

When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned,

nor will flames consume you.

For I, the LORD, am your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your savior.

I give Egypt as ransom for you,

Ethiopia and Seba--in exchange for you.

Because you are precious in my eyes

and honored, and I love you,

I give people in return for you

and nations in exchange for your life.

(Isaiah 43: 1-4)

You've become my soul's delight

Part of my Lenten promise has to do with music which is why so many of my posts have had song lyrics attached.  I am in awe of how God led me to this Lenten promise, and has really spoken to me through these last few weeks.

Anyways, I was singing a worship song in my head when I woke up this morning.  I got into my car, turned on my music, and the same song was playing through my CD player.  I think that God was trying to speak to me about direction this morning.  The song is called Running; here are some of the lyrics:
I am running, running after you.
You've become my soul's delight.
I am running, running after you.
Here with you I find my life.
One thing I have desired, this will I seek after
to dwell in your house forevermore.
Now, I'm running after, the things that really matter.
You've become my joy and song.

I was reminded of some specific times in my life when my soul has been so fervently running to my God and living with one sole purpose.  As these memories were unveiled, I thought also about the commitment that I am going to make to the man I Love in just a little more than two months.  While I might run down the aisle to my future husband on my wedding day, I know that what I am really running towards is a man who helps direct and strengthen my soul.  So many of my memories this morning were of times when he has witnessed for me his faith and trust in God.  I am so thankful to have been blessed with a man who will constantly challenge me to look carefully at where I am running. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywuP03l_hRk

Pilgrim path to heaven

As I read Elizabeth's entry about waiting and Liz's entry about the Communion of Saints that surround us every day, a true sense of comfort came over me.  Just knowing that the women on this blog are experiencing very different feelings and reflections this Lent makes me realize how similar and different our faith is.  It sounds so very contradictory.  As Catholics, we have the same routines that create a unity between us all no matter where you are in the country or in the world.  We can go to Mass in Italy and still generally understand what is going on around us.  However, our individual relationships with God are so different...at least how we view them.  Some of us talk to Him in a very formal manner, some are extremely free and speak to Him like a best bud, but we all find some comfort in Him.

Today, I am trying so hard to just remember the Communion of Saints, the community around me, and the relationship I have with God above.  We are on our "Pilgrim path to Heaven" and we have to make the choices along that path.  This is the second time in over a year that a priest has been removed from the priesthood in my life.  Today, there are so many questions going through my head and so much anger, but instead of letting that anger thrive, I'm working on my relationship with God.  These are the times that Satan thrives.  He feeds on these moments and wants nothing more than to bring us Christians down.

I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters. Lewis satirizes Satan and writes from his perspective.  “We want the Church to be small not only that fewer men know the Enemy but also that those who do may acquire the uneasy intensity and the defensive self-righteousness of a secret society or a clique.” Well, Satan, you're not getting me this time.  I am a Catholic Christian and I'm proud of it. 

Waiting behind the train

So, this morning I was walking to work, and I got stuck behind a long train.  For those of you who have spent some time in Harrisonburg, you know this feeling well.  Luckily, I left my house 30 minutes early, so I didn't have to worry about being late... this time.  As I stood watching the train go by, one car at a time, I got to thinking.

In so many seasons of life I feel as though I am waiting.  I am waiting to know which decision to make next, or what job I will have, or where I should go.  Especially in transition periods of life, I am praying and asking God to reveal His plan.  Sometimes I don't understand the answer to my questions until I am already fully immersed in something.  Sometimes I feel like I never understand the answer.

But sometimes, God sends a big train right in front of me that I have to stand behind and watch and wait.  Often times, there are messages on the train, and God gives us the time to wait and ponder these messages as the rest of the train passes.  I think sometimes I get so caught up in asking for a "sign" of some sort that I miss the big obvious messages on the train right in front of me.

Here's to keeping my eyes WIDE OPEN today.

Teach us, O God.

Hello everyone! I'm sorry Lent is almost halfway over and I am just now writing in this blog- I've been so busy with immersion week, where I went to my education practicum in a kindergarten class every day for a week, and then a week of volunteering at a school in the Bronx during spring break. But I've been saying/ meditating on our prayer every day, sometimes a few times a day, and it has been really powerful for me!

These past two weeks of experience in the classroom were really important, but not in the ways I thought they would be. I went in looking to learn more about being a teacher, to improve my classroom management skills, to understand child psychology better... But I ended up learning more myself than my students did.

The kids in the Bronx have it so rough. The poverty, violence, and just general depression of those streets are not something I can accurately describe with words. These children didn't ask to be poor. They didn't ask to be born addicted to drugs because their mothers were addicts and used while they were pregnant. They didn't desire to live in a place where they couldn't go outside to play because it's too dangerous. And there I was, worrying when a few kids were speaking out of turn and disrupting the lesson I was trying to teach.

In the grand scheme of things this is nothing. The tiny details of life are not important. In fact, nothing in this life is truly of importance with the exception of love. God is building up His incredible kingdom, and out of love, He is using these impoverished, broken, abused, neglected, lonely children. All that matters is that I learn to love Him, and them through Him, and together we will walk out of the empty promises of this world into a world that is only love.

I went to the Bronx to teach math, English, history, science, art, music... But our Teacher wants us to learn only one subject. Education is so important in this world, and you should of course always have your mind open to learning. But to be ready for our new, eternal, and perfect life with Christ, we must open our hearts instead so that God can teach us to love as He loves.

In Good Company

As I prayed our pilgrim prayer today the line that stuck out to me was "...in the company of your faithful people..."   I had dinner last night with one of my best friends and her husband.  They are very wonderful, holy people, and one of my favorite things about hanging out with them is that they love to talk about the Catholic faith and the church (they are evangelical Christians).  One of the things they asked me about yesterday was the saints--they wondered if there were some I knew about, if I had studied them, how I approached them, and they shared that they really liked the idea of the saints and all of their inspirational stories.  I am sure I gave them way more than they anticipated hearing... I basically exploded stories about St. Therese, St. Francis, St. Catherine, St. Gianna, every St. Elizabeth I know... 

The discussion made me so grateful for the communion of saints.  We are so blessed by their examples, and their prayers and we don't even realize it!  We do not walk this pilgrim's path alone, not by a long shot.  We are surrounded, and lifted up by the beautiful saints.  Even when our earthly friends and family members don't spur us on to holiness, or when we are physically alone, they are there interceding for us.  It gives me courage and joy and hope to know that we are in such good company this Lent, and always.   

Transfiguration

So, today the Gospel reading in Church was the Transfiguration of Jesus.  (Mark 9:2-10)  The deacon spoke today and started out with a little history lesson before asking the congregation how often we are transfigured in our lifetime.  I think that everyone's mind was saying, "That has never, and probably will never happen to me."  But the deacon continued:  When you are baptized, your are wearing a "dazzling white" garment and your body and spirit are cleansed and transformed.  Every time you receive the Eucharist, your body and spirit are transformed.  When you are married, the bride is in a "dazzling white" garment and two lives become one.  The lives of the bride and groom are transformed.  A person receiving Holy Orders does so in a "dazzling white" garment and their body and spirit are transformed.  Finally, after you die, a "dazzling white" garment is placed over the coffin to prepare you for the journey of transformation into eternal life.

Wow.  There are all of these opportunities to be transformed in body and spirit in my life.  All of these small transformations lead up to eternal life.  I go through a pilgrimage of small transformations before reaching my final destination.  Today I am going to focus my prayer and meditation on this verse: "And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no fuller on earth could bleach them."  What a beautiful sight.  But, this sight is no longer so far out of reach.  I recall my own baptism, approaching the Eucharistic table as I have so many times in my life, and the preparations I am going through to be a bride in "dazzling white"  in only a couple months.

We Become What We Worship

Blessed Sacrament is offering a video series by Fr. Robert Barron about Catholicism. Last night was the first session and my husband and I both attended.  It was an amazing session about the identity of Jesus. One of the things that he said that really stuck with me is that "we become what we worship."  I think Lenten sacrifices are a great way to take a look at what our objects of worship are and re-focus our sights on the Lord. This Lent I am I spending less time on the internet in the evenings and more time being present with my family and caring for my house. I am reminding myself that if I am to become what I worship, that I should be aiming for holiness and union with God; not emulating people I have never met that I read about on a blog.  I need to be more focused on my own life and not on Facebook.  I am actually loving this "sacrifice" that I am making because I can see tangible evidence of it making me a better wife, mother, friend, and person.  Have a wonderful weekend!!

PS--I tried thsi recipe this week and if you are looking for something cheap, healthy and delicious to add to your meatless dinners; you have to try this:

Corn and Black Bean Quesadillas

• 1 can of black beans (drain off the clear liquid)
• 1 cup of frozen corn
• 1 package of taco seasoning mix
• 2 cups of shredded cheese
• flour tortillas

Mix first four ingredients together.  Put 1/4 cup of filling inside a tortilla, fold in half and cook in a frying pan.  This recipe makes about 10 quesadillas. Delicious!!